what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
