She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
