Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
