I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
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Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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