She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
