Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
