You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
