I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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