sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
