If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
