he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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