no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
