You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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