He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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