loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
