Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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