no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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