brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
