i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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