Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
