I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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