...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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