If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
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The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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