my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
