Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
