dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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