Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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