I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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