when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize