So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there was a trapeze. enough said
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
