Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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