does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
