My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
