just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
