swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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