On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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