Pappa wants mamma naked
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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