my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
