Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
