I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
