i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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