You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
