She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
