the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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