A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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