the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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