I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
