FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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