I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
