he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
