My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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