You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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