apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
