Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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