There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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