now i know why i became what i already was.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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