So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
