Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
