I'm so fucking centered right now
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just invented taco cereal.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
