Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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