I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
