It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
