just tell him i said nine months
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
