i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
