3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
and you fell through a lawn chair
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
