He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
