she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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