I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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