I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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