have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
