my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
